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The Back To School Essential

September 06, 2017

The Back To School Essential

School time is rolling in like a manic depressive disease, and it’s time to get to shopping. Stores are going to have some sick discounts on printer paper and pens, and some not so sick discounts on those $2,000 Macbooks you’re required to have.

But, there is one thing… one thing that stands above the rest at the top of the list of essential items necessary for the school year:

Let us ask you: would you go into war equipped with a water gun? Would you, say, change your oil with washing detergent? Or, how about substituting your toilet paper with plastic wrap after a long night of eating Mexican food?

No, friends. You just wouldn’t.

A doctor wouldn’t remove your kidney with his favorite pair of labor day tongs - just as you wouldn’t wade chest deep into a back-to-school shopping frenzy armed with only a brick of pigskin to carry your cash.

No, no, your long years of education and potential student debt have led you to become far more intelligent than that.

You understand that a man has to have the right tool for the job at hand. Because, you’re a man. An educated man.

Your dean's-list powers of deductive reasoning leave only one possibility then, one solution:

The Ridge


Just as the Vikings of old didn’t take to the seas of the North with horses as their vessels, you too won’t conquer the school year with an encyclopedia to carry your plastic.

You’ve no need for encyclopedias. You’re a scholastic monster.

You need slim. You need durable. You need ergonomics in the palm of your hand when you whip out that credit card for that box of caffeine pills that you’re going to be munching on like candy.

You need a Ridge.

Smaller than your student bank account balance and more durable than your trusty beer pong table, this is a wallet that does away with all of the stylistic and chiropractic problems of those other traditional chunks of dirt.

You can fit all of the credit cards you need in here - and maybe even throw in the school’s psychiatric business card in there as well, while never having to worry about this sleek piece of design ever giving out on you.

Because, when all of your mental faculties have left  you during finals week, we won’t. We’ve got a lifetime guarantee.

And, we truly will be the only wallet you’ll ever need for the rest of your life. So, when you’re making those 6 figures in that dream job of yours, you’ll look back upon this day in sheer, unadulterated ecstasy -because you just couldn’t have made a better decision.